"What can I use to keep my lover's sexual attention? We are great together, but we need some spice in the bedroom."As someone in a really great relationship, both emotionally and otherwise, I've got a good answer for you guys that does solve the issue. But first, we need to go through some warnings.
Love Magic Can Get Shady.The initial warning we always give people about love magic is that using it on a specific person to change their mind, their feelings, or their attitudes is unequivocally black magic. After all, you wouldn't want someone to cast a love spell on you to make you love them if they're really not your type-- so why should someone else endure this from you? This warning is a bit simplified from the more complicated reality, though. Obviously, if you are already in a relationship with someone, and they are aware of any magic you do and they are willing to participate, none of these black magic issues crop up. As such, there is absolutely no problem with doing a spell to increase sexual attraction between the two of you, as long as your partner knows about the spell and is okay with it. The consent part of this warning is the most important part. If you are casting a spell to alter someone's mind or attitudes, they must both know about it and consent to it. Otherwise, you're dabbling in stuff that's only going to cause both of you misery in the long run.
Mundane Ways to Keep Passionate.All the above aside, there are some great mundane ways to keep your relationship passionate, and I often recommend using a number of these in conjunction with any spellwork you do.
- Make Sure You Have the Time.
If you're constantly on the go and not seeing much of your partner, obviously you're going to have trouble starting anything exciting. Make sure that you're regularly making time to see them and spend time with them; ensure that this time is not interrupted by things like texting, Facebook, or phone calls. A good way to do this is to offer to your partner to set aside your own distractions, turn off your phone, etc, if he or she will do the same. This is not a suggestion that the time you set aside should always be used to passionate ends; just spending more quality time with your partner generally leads to increased sexual activity and satisfaction in other ways. Agree to cuddle on the couch and watch a favourite movie or TV show, make dinner for each other, or even play video games together. Whatever it is that connects the two of you and makes you both happy, do more of it.
- Remember Why You Love Each Other (And Say So!).
Most couples find that the exciting stuff dies down over time. It's natural for this to happen-- we get used to having the other person around, so we stop appreciating all those things that originally attracted us to them and start noticing all kinds of things that annoy us about them. The solution to this is simple, and also somewhat counter-intuitive: if you want your relationship to get better, start reminding your partner how much you appreciate them. This lets them know that you care, but it also has the bonus side-effect of reminding you of all the things you now take for granted and making all those qualities exciting again. If you're going to tell your partner you appreciate them, make sure you do it in a specific way: "I was having such an awful day, and it meant so much to me that you made dinner. I know you do it all the time, but it was particularly nice today, and it made me feel better." With practice, you start noticing all kinds of wonderful things your partner does for you; and spontaneously commenting on those things as they happen can get to be a really great habit, as long as you're sincere about it.
- Figure Out What Makes the Two of You Tick.
A lot of sexual dissatisfaction actually comes from lack of communication between partners. We all have fantasies and fetishes, and the best way for us to enjoy bedroom time is to make sure that our partners know them and are willing to fulfil some of them for us. This is a two-way street; if you've discovered that you enjoy being a submissive participant, but your partner does as well, the two of you will have to either switch off roles fairly or else find other things that work for both of you at once. If you're having trouble having a frank discussion with your partner about these things, the two of you can each write out a list of things you enjoy, or even recommend steamy books you particularly enjoy to each other and draw conclusions that way. The most important part of this process, though, is to make it clear that neither of you is allowed to make fun of the other for your sexual quirks. All it takes is one bad joke, and your sexual communication may shut down forever (or worse-- turn dishonest).
A Spell to Spice Things Up.All of the above are incredibly important steps to spicing things up between you and your partner. In no way, shape, or form should you be going on to the spell in this section unless you've also implemented at least some of the above suggestions. Magic is all about intentions-- if you're not willing to put in the honest, straightforward work required above, then your intentions will come off as lazy, anxious, or weak, and your spells will end up going lopsided or malformed. I also cannot stress enough: make sure your partner is okay with this magic. It is not okay to mess with people's heads (or hormones) without their say-so. Those who have implemented some of the above suggestions, or who already have a good, communicative relationship that's not working out sexually, can use the spell below:
- Clean Your Bedroom.
As long as you only use your bedroom for sex and sleeping, you can set up the atmosphere there to be energetically conducive to getting into the mood. Start by cleaning the bedroom up physically-- very few people enjoy having sex in a dirty room. After that, I always recommend purifying the room energetically so that your later spellwork will stick and not mix with anything ugly; if you don't know how to purify a room, you can use the very basic technique of imagining negative energy as black, sticky shadows, then forcing pure white light upon them to burn them away.
- Disperse a Pleasant Scent, Along With Your Energetic Intentions.
Once this is done, spray the room and your sheets lightly with Love & Attraction Room Spray; alternatively, you can fill a spray bottle with water and add a vial of Aphrodesia Oil or similar (shake it very well every time before you use it). As you're scenting your room with pleasant smells, visualize your room turning into the perfect sexual setting; mostly, you should focus on scattering around the feeling you get when things are perfect, rather than using any specific imagery. This way, if your partner has different ideas of 'the perfect setting,' he or she won't be put off by the spell.
- Say What You Want.
It often helps to say what you want to happen out loud so that your intentions settle more firmly in the room. If you're alone, you can even get a little dirty-mouthed-- the Universe doesn't care, and neither will any love gods of your choice.
- Extra Mood.
If you know that you'll be scheduling some alone time tonight specifically, you can get some candles to light later and set up the mood further. These candles can be specifically made for spellwork (as per the Love's Enchantment Candle) but you can also use any red candle; jasmine-scented candles are also appropriate. Make sure these are well out of the way so they don't get knocked over at a bad time (I speak from experience, guys).
- Enjoy your evening.